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Ghislaine from Worcester.

Memory is like a bearer bond for reality.

If Rust had been invented in the 60s they would've called it MOPL (Metal Oxide Programming Language).

I could not survive as a Roman because they didn't have Python. They did have C! (It was backwards, tho.)

Saying Hedy Lamarr invented Bluetooth is like saying Marie Curie invented the Boiling Water Reactor.

It's absolutely true and correct.

I tried launching my VB4 OpenGL demo on Windows 11 and the VM rebooted.

...I say as I slowly shrink and transform into SpectateSwamp.

Birdy the Mighty (Tetsuwan Birdy) paints a picture of an ideal society where all cops are hot big-sister-types. Yes, they still shoot kids with their space laser sometimes, blowing their torso apart. But then they share their own body with that kid so they can become a trans girl/plural system, depending on how metaphorical you wanna get. In this essay, I will discuss how we can't let the perfect become the enemy of the good. 🧵 (1/78)

Remember the Super Mario World bonus levels that were all named things like Tubular or Radical? Has anyone done a ROM hack (or maybe checked the rerelease on the SNES mini) where there's a new level called "Fleek"?

IBM called it the AS/400 because every model weighs >400 lbs.

One thing I kinda miss about the office is the free stuff. You could charge your batteries there for free and there was a closet with free pens and staplers and stuff and there was free copper in the walls! 😌






Julie Andrews: Bye-bye THIRTY -year-old, actin' fifteen! Boutta make the hills come alive with the sound of your screams!

Ann Margret: Oh, how do I solve a problem like poor Julie Andrews? Seems winning a rap battle, ain't something she can do!

The "nobody will remember you" folks are the funniest. Nobody will remember anyone after a few generations. Humanity will just be a thin layer of plastic sediment, and there won't be any free oil on the surface to jump-start subsequent industrial civilizations if another species is cursed with sentience. Couple that with an expanding universe divided by the invincible light-year, and the inevitability of heat death, and who do you expect to remember what from the bottom of a black hole? 🤣🤣🤣

Honey, if you think I'm inflexible... wait'll you meet the laws of physics!

Can't wait for someone to invent a non-woke AI that won't flinch at generating erotic Windows 3.1 memory allocation fiction.

OneDrive: "Look at your memories!" *Pulls up the floor plan from a previous workplace*

I'm gonna start a chat-bot to answer questions about UEFI called "UEFI GPT." I'm sure this won't cause any confusion.

Welcome to my podcast, SNMP Trap House.

How about a game like Papers, Please except instead of a communist country, you're a mid-level bureaucrat in a capitalist country who has to massage the excess death statistics caused by an increasing series of pandemics/natural disasters and the owner class's unwillingness to pay for social countermeasures so that your boss can get re-elected and you can keep your job?

I feel like there's an opportunity for a fun spreadsheet- or even COBOL-inspired interface depending on the direction...

If they had Teams in England they would call it Cheams.

"Ada! Intruder alert!"

Loudspeaker (monotone): welcome to the jungle mother fucker

*Hamster Dance music starts playing*

Me: *nodding off, drowsy*

Internet: Did you know that every building material made before 1980 has asbestos in it and you're definitely going to die from drilling all those holes in your drywall to hang stuff, including leaving some gaping open? And the dust coming out of the cracks between your walls and floors?

Me: *Awake! Alert!*

OhI ! I just got it!

Challenge everything... (i.e. test every shipment because it might be counterfeit! Because EA -> Ea (as in Nasir!))

lol Good one, guys!

"Plug and Play? Sir, this is a mainframe shop. Mainframes are for serious business only. There will be no plugging nor playing on the mainframe."

TransAmerica has to be the most criminally underutilized brand ever.

Show me the place in the CSS spec where it says a browser has to support more than 16 colors.

"I've caught COVID 5 times and I'm fine! It's normal now!" creaks the increasingly aggressive and irrational plague rat through its brain fog.

The term "Boomer Shooters" bothers me because I'm not sure if it's referring to how games of that genre go "boom" a lot (?) or just confusing gen-X'ers with Baby Boomers.

Laying in bed remembering the time I called it "The Large Hadrian Collider" while talking to a cute girl back in college.

Has anyone been able to get GPT-4 to generate a NUDE TAYNE yet?

Every AI guy wants to live in Beatless and be hacked by the cute girl AI.

All I know about this Samsung Moon thing is that they need to start calling it Moongate so that more people search for it and get into Ultima Online as a result.

I would not be able to handle it if Sonic turned racist.

Atrus too, but there was a whole book about how not racist he was and it was the longest one in the series so that's probably not an issue...

Missed opportunity to port Wing Commander to Windows 3.x and call it WinG Commander.

Can't spell CGI without C!

Another one bytes dbus.

My music library is kinda fucked up... I have the anthem of the Soviet Union 8-bit version, but the Red Army Choir version of Korobeiniki. Most people have them the other way around but I'm just so quirky!

I imagine taking a cross-country trip through the US to be something like Eversion. New York through Ohio are like the first few levels, getting tougher in normal ways. By the time you get to Nebraska, there's no music and the background is red. And then in California or Washington there's a princess. Or something.


What if they had NASCAR... but it was trains?

They should do a Blu-Ray release of Supertrain and just edit out anything that's not the train.

What's that? My room is overcrowded with junk?

Really? But:

- I'm afraid of everything.

- I'm fearless in my room.

- Therefore, there is nothing in my room.


320x200 pixels should be enough for anybody.

I made the mistake of answering my phone today. Never again.

The lesson learned from APNG seems to have been, "No matter what we successfully replace GIF with... we have to call it GIF. No matter how preposterously unrelated it is."

"Living fossil" is such a wild way to say "ultimate lifeform, perfect being, no notes."

Wouldn't it be funny if a giant sinkhole just opened up and swallowed a major city? Everyone else would be like, "wow, that sucks. Glad that can't happen here."

Two's complement was one of those things I vaguely intuited in the back of my mind but never sat down and actually studied. Since writing an ASN.1 encoder for my latest engine and I need to encode negative numbers, I finally got around to it. Turns out it really is as simple as f( x ) = (~x) + 1.

It helps that the functional notation looks kinda like boobs from a front-side angle, so hopefully that can serve as a mnemonic device somehow.

I was thinking about this egotistical guy who would appropriate large bodies of others' work as his own, but without the deep understanding necessary to integrate or maintain them. This would result in works that were unstable as cracks formed until they collapsed completely. Until then, tho, he was able to use them to appeal to a surface-level vision to convince others to worship him like some kind of weird cult.

Because of the new Riven game! What? Did that bring something else to mind?

Epic Rap Battles of History!!!





Do you need to see the first one before you see David Cameron's Avatar the Shape of Water?

WATCOM stands for Wet-Ass Toolchain/COMpiler.

There's a character named Antherine in one of the webtoons I'm reading... but no Catherine! I can't help but get a charge out of this observation.

What if Zendaya were on Zendesk?

Life Pro Tip: If you live near a particle accelerator doing research on atomic nuclei, you can ask them for the spare electrons they have left over after stripping them off the nuclei for the beam!

Putting two dissimilar cheeses AND a dressing on a Philidelphia cheese steak is not advised due to the potential for galvanic corrosion.

Too many thumbs isn't a big deal. You can work around that. Too many neutrons? *Whistles* Idunno, man...

Da~re mo dekiru, Sharepoint admin! Da~re mo dekiru, ki~to ne!

"I wanna delete this site called xxxyyz but it won't let me because of a compliance block?"

"Why do you wanna delete a site? Are you stupid? Do you wanna die?"

The only acceptable way to consume tobacco indoors is by turning on a computer that belonged to a smoker for a decade in the 90s/early 2000s and inhaling the smell that comes out of the yellow-dust-caked cooling vents.






It's difficult to be mad at or even annoyed when someone says they did something because of anxiety. Mistyped a command? Called me at home at midnight? Shot someone in cold blood? All understandable and sympathetic anxiety symptoms. 😔

I would be so good at space travel (not leaving my room for months at a time) but I'd be useless at the actual destination (wouldn't want to leave my room or do things).

Just drank a bottle of water and I feel... healthier. You can learn a lot from video games (Subnautica).

Deadlines is one letter away from deadliness.

Remember before Kubernetes when we all ran our stuff in single-app FreeBSD or grsec-hardened chroot jails? What a pain that was, right?

Cloned the gzdoom repo. Gonna turn it into a massive sprawling RPG with a living wor-oh is that C++? Nevermind.

My comfort level at work is like a health bar... when the bar is full and green then I'm just like, "sure," and just do stuff I'm asked. When it's red I'm keeping a journal in 15-minute blocks and asking for written/signed confirmation on all directions.

I wanna do the villain's plot from the Birdy OVA except instead of turning the townspeople into lizards by dumping a chemical in the reservoir I wanna turn them into girls.

Separating my OCs gallery (pictures of people's original characters) from my OCS gallery (screenshots of old Amiga games).

What if Pokemon was called Pyukumon and it was just Pyukumuku?

Does anybody else remember the word "Multimedia?"

Was that all just a fever dream?

How about less micro USB and more microbe USB? 🦠

Remember when Windows ME came with music from a music group called "Beck" and I thought it was related to the 90s Ted Danson vehicle "Becker?"

Apparently it's not legal in NY to get a lab test for a stool sample without a doctor in between you and the lab?

Anyway I'm a labertarian now.

What? Non-binary? Oh, no, the NB in my profile means "nonbiri." I'm just very chill.

So weird to think that on the day I was born, all 15,000 roentgen/hour of Pripyat's Chernussy were hanging out for the world to see.

What about a game called Headdress the Maid where you play as a cute maid's headdress? You start out on a human-style maid body but then jump from creature to creature with different abilities? I feel like this might've been done tho...

If someone uses the words "personal responsibility" together in a positive way, I always assume they're trying to do/enable a genocide or something.

"Beautiful cockroach" is such a good concept for a Pokemon.


This trial's never ending...

My tickets are in pending...

Awaiting replies sending... me,

Off the edge~!


Misinformation is anything which I do not agree with, personally, or anything that would harm me (emotionally or economically) if others believed.

"USB 4 is out."

Oh, neat.

"It's been out for 3 years."

Oh, so I guess I'm just terminally out of touch and I effectively don't know anything about computers anymore. Cool!

One of the things I like about Sonic is when they introduce a new antagonist/antihero and it's just an angsty, arrogant little guy.

I said hey! (Uh-huh!) You can't stop me!

'Cause my pain! (My knee!) Is gas-o-line!

Me, when someone says SQL as "Sequel": Were you born in a Microsoft meeting? That's so cringe!

Me, when someone spells out DASD: Sorry, do mean the dasda? 🥴

Dr: Do you think this is a good way to live? Never leaving your room?

Me: Pretty sure it's the best way to live?

Dr: Do you think it may be related to this fear you have, why you're wearing this gas mask?

Me: Do you see charcoal cartridges? These are oil & particulate filters.

Finally got the invite to DALL-E 2 but now I'm realizing I have no idea how to phrase Hatterene and Midna high-fiving with their prehensile hair in a way the computer will understand.

Not a big fan of that feeling when you're lying down and too tired to move for no reason in particular and your skin goes numb and your eyes feel like they're falling backward into pit.

Religious people are so nice. They're always complimenting me with words like "innovative" and "worldly!" 🙂

Pokemon Legends Arceus is too difficult as a game. How am I supposed to get anything done when Misdreavus keep popping up in front of me demanding I catch them?

This person doesn't get what it takes to develop a new Eevolution. It's not just something they can unilaterally choose to do. It requires updating whole standards and processes. Developing Sylveon has been compared to the move to 300mm wafer sizes by the semiconductor industry.

Sometimes, people will just say to me, "you're trash." And you know what? It's not my place to argue with that. None of my business.

*Nintendo voice* Hey! Let's make a bunch of cool peripherals for our game system out of mouse nesting materials!

Anime fig? Moko!

Router? SO-HO!

8-bit? Micro!

Computer? Coco!

I'm not quite sure what the difference between estrogen and oestrogen is, but I imagine it's like Japanese where the latter is more polite.

Getting old means you can't watch the Caramella Girls Caramelldansen music video without getting motion sickness.

A crab, a whale, and a tree walk into a pub which evolved independently from what we know as a bar.

We're not gonna make it! 🎶

No, we're not gonna make it! 🎵

We're not gonna make it, that far~!

Woke liberals get OFFENDED when you point out the FACT that temperaments of the body are controlled by blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile.

If "mosh zardoz" isn't a valid command in your environment, what are you even doing?

Look, I don't know why you're panicking. If you just don't pay attention to social media or news pundits or the news or anything that's happening at all then everything is perfectly fine!

Review scheduled in the morning,

That's not a warning.

Afternoon, when you're tired?

Your ass is fired!

Excited to hear news from the LHC today! Guess I'll read some of my old Beckenstein Bears books while I wait.

Working as HPC sysadmin: one day after an update, look over at the tickless kernel and see it has ticks enabled. Ask the ITM what to do. "You're the sysadmin." Ragequit & find a new job w/ normal kernels.

First day at the new job, I come in & look at the kernel.

It's tickless.

You should be able to order Door Dash from Medieval Times and have them deliver a turkey leg wrapped in burlap by horse.

Miku, the Hedgehog!

Miku Miku Hedgehog!

MI! KU! HEDGEHOG! (Bwaaa✨)

The Religious Right wants to take away your right, as a woman, to be able to claim yourself to be "the sleepiest guy." Don't let them!

Risking COVID to attend Joe Don Baker con.

Wide in the streets, fast in the sheets.

Children, much like computers, are safest in a sealed concrete bunker 20 feet underground where nothing can get to them.

Puyo Puyo Tetris is good, but when are we getting Sudoku Picross?

No! W-We're not l-lesbians! Haha! W-Why would you think that? I j-just said l-l-le's be friends! Yeah! That's it!

I wanna see a bubble opera at the Baikonur Cosmo Dome.

Torioroid, en~ ga~r~de~



I just realized I never made a joke Ecstatica and "pondering orbs" back when that was a thing! 😩

Don't defrag me! Boot up quickly!

But don'tcha get the wrong idea!

IDE is~ but an abstraction!

Sorry babe, it's solid state!

Oh no, no! No, no, no! No, no, no baby, take it easy~

Compact Flash!

Tired: Induction-based wireless charging.

(Un)wired: Arc-based wireless charging.

Forgot about how much of the authentic 486 experience is playing Gameboy while waiting for progress bars.

🎵 Swap spit with COVID, meet a guy you outta know~ 🎵

🎵 I used to laugh at safety, now they call me... One-Lung Joe. 🎵

If thou doth ever find thyſelf in an argument ſaying "words have meanings" and citing "general acceptance" as the ſource for whatever meaning thou'rt trying to pin to ſomething: juſt know that thou art on the wrong ſide of hiſtory. 😩

Me: ADHD is a superpower, and I'm about to engage its most *powerful* ability to troubleshoot this computer problem... Free Association! Let's brainstorm! Take it away, brain!

Brain: Eevee Netanyahu

(After doing a tight five at the local public library's Sunday open mic.)

EMT: Do you know who the current president is?

Me: I'm thinking... Hoover? *Makes a little vacuuming gesture.*

You don't want a divorce lawyer. You want a Divorce. Lawyer.

Just a penguin with an NLAW,

Just a birdy with a bang,

Haruhi and Evangelion are the two genders.

Did I imagine that there was a SimCity 2000 Christmas Edition? Was that just a weird little dream I had?

I love reading comics where the title is something like, "The Evil Bitch Flips Everyone Off," and it's about a girl who is executed for literally no reason and reincarnates and in her second life she learns to be somewhat mildly but completely justifiably assertive.


I would become a vegetarian but I could never give up beans.

Duct tape is amateur hour. Real pros hold everything together with DIN rails and bolted steel straps.

> I wanna make maps serializable.

"Cool, use JSON, Tiled supports it!"

> I only have 640k RAM.

"Binary dumps?"

> My engine runs on systems with various endiannesses.


Absolute Lunatic (Criminally Insane): Why not use ASN.1?

I can be kind of a foodie when I want to be. A "lazy" recipe you can use to recreate the taste of McDonald's fries at home is:

- Potato Chips (Lays Classic)

- Pickles

Just... kinda eat them both at the same time.

Recommended to eat on a paper towel; no need to use a paper plate.

Huge "the vending machine only accepts slips of papyrus and tiny stone tablets with the emperor's face on them" energy.

Sir, it seems the feature you're trying to use is one I've never gotten to work. And if I couldn't get it to work, it's probably broken. I suggest you give up, as I have. Have you played Pokemon before? That shit's cash.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: Hey there! I'm Cortana, and I'm here to help.

Thorium is breedable but its submissiveness is debated.

So, when you say NX... Do you mean the remote display protocol, the Nintendo Switch kernel, or the open-source re-implementation of the Cave Story engine...?

Calling a thunderstorm a "thundercoomer".

Getting picked up by the feds for testing the "one rate any weight" policy on the medium flat rate box by filling it with depleted uranium and not sweating the prison time because of work's "unlimited time off" policy.

The Big 4 accounting firms, off the top of my head:

* PWC (easy to remember 'cause Pretty White Chicks)

* Delorian

* K&R

* Ernest to Accounting

I walked home from a doctor's appointment today and along the way I saw a bee. Guess global warming is cancelled and everything's fine now.

Peach pits are a type of crystal.

An MMORPG, but the only interaction with other players is through journal entries and environmental effects generated by the system based on other players' actions, and maybe empty copies of their houses.

Cathode Replacement Therapy

D*cks out for dBase, as we used to say.

The pitfall that always gets me with conversing in Japanese is that to converse in Japanese, one must first be able to converse.